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Archive for December, 2018

The wisest mind has something yet to learn. (George Santayana)

Wisdom—an always valuable, fitting gift. Yet, it is never for sale. I earn or learn it. If my heart is ready.

I slip a small cold pack along my waist line and pray ice cools the ache. Laparoscopic cuts across my belly demand awareness. Pain interferes with logical thought.

Perhaps body-recovery asks for spirit-recovery as well. I lack the self-sufficiency my pride requires. I let go and accept humility soaked in love,

Peace arrives as a form of banal wisdom. For now, it needs to be enough.

 

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I always wanted a happy ending… Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. (Gilda Radner)

Sonder. A new word in my vocabulary. Definition: “The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.” I think about how once a stranger makes a few honest statements, similarities appear.

I wait for a simple service at a local clinic. The clinic is inside a grocery store. An emergency arrived before I signed in. I wait. People pass. I can’t see beyond closed-mouthed, focused-ahead expressions. These individuals’ lives hold more than any set of eyes can view. My impression is like a picture taken from a plane. Vague. No detail.

A person can seem far away. He may live next door, but who knows? His life may mimic the suspense of a best-selling novel. Or it may have a dé·jà vu feel to it.

What did the hurried woman face this morning? Why does the child linger behind? Sure, I can guess, provided my guess is a game or the beginning of a story. Judgment is cheap. Reality is complicated.

My time seems precious now. Test tomorrow. Surgery Wednesday. Several days in the hospital. Worry doesn’t fill me, only a strange wonder why I’m not living in tomorrow. This isn’t normal. Too many people praying for me. That must be it.

How do I make the most of waiting? How do I make the best of life without knowing what will happen next?

Positive and negative space joins to create art.

Fault and effort balance to create a real-life human being.

My husband waits at home for me. His love is real. We have been married most of our lives. I am grateful. And yet, all human spirts remain bound by ego and skin. Only a few saints have reached complete transparency. A thorough appreciation of the fullness of every person on earth.

The love I share with my husband, friends, and family makes each day worth the effort.  What happens next? Delicious ambiguity.

 

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Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost. (Kahlil Gibran)

My grandmother died when she was almost

a decade younger than I am now,

old enough for us to trade places across the centuries…

If time could allow a trespasser to

break its borders. I recall how she spoke of hurts

while I remained mute. In those days

generations separated more than years,

free-speaking limited. Peers only.

 

My aunt put Grandma in her wheel chair.

She took her to the kitchen to wash her hair.

I crawled over the bed rails,

and lay next to the smells

of my grandmother’s presence.

 

The parts of her a stroke couldn’t steal.

 

 

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The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just. (Abraham Lincoln)

My grandson and I raked leaves last week—not long after an ice storm. Not only did he want to help, he was eager to do it. We acted as if we were an equal team.

One problem. My back is a lot older than his is. He provided the strength and flexibility of an active seven-year-old. My strength gave out within the lifespan of a mayfly. Twenty-four hours later I could barely move. May steroids and physical therapy repair the damage. Eventually.

Sometimes I feel that my eagerness to combat human injustice is too much for a team of human creatures with integrity. The word, lie, has been shouted and repeated through the air until it has become useless. Set up sides! Prepare labels! Never discuss. Never listen. Have accusations ready whether they apply or not. Divide without thinking about the division.

And yet, I have friends who disagree with my political views. They participate in humanitarian programs. Is there any chance we can begin here? Can we agree to care that law is made for the population, not population for the law.

Maybe, just maybe.

 

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